This is going to be a short review, as a matter of fact, this movie could be summed up in three words. But before I get there, I have to get something off my chest. At the beginning of this movie, whilst partaking of the pre-requisite aunt mary, I popped open a “white IPA”. And I’m a tell you what – that beer was so frickin’ bitter it was all I could think about. Every time I took a sip, I hoped that it would somehow be less bitter. Won’t my tongue’s bitter receptors tire of this horrible bitterness? Nope – every shitty sip was just as bitter as before. Turrible! Hey remember that beer commercial, where their slogan was, “It’s better, not bitter!” Right on, bruthas!
Anywho, speaking of bitter, I was so distracted by the bitterness of the beer I tried to drink (I actually only swilled down half, and pitched the rest down the sink), that I didn’t initially notice how badly this movie blew. And talk about a bitter end – Jiminy Christmas was it awful. The entire movie was hard to follow, it had only two characters, and yet they totally fucked it up. A guy who’s job seemed to be walking around in the woods with a ridiculously heavy competition rifle, while a woman sat inside their three geodesic dome tend complex and mixed baking soda and acid as a lame guise for “experiments”. Experiments for what? They were corporate employees, and didn’t seem to know what they were doing there other than investigating reports of odd animal behavior. So what? What was a corporation going to do with that? The whole premise was this land was the scene of a mass murder event by a cult (the leader looked suspiciously like Charles Manson, pffft), so we followed the antics of these two clowns over about a two month period of doing the same shit in the same place, with a few bizarre “dreams” thrown in. The ridiculous ending was just as good as anything else – they could have just faded to black ten minutes earlier and threw up a “THE END” and it would have “worked” as well.
So in summary, the three word description of this movie is (and picture THE GREAT Sir Charles Barkley before reading this): TURRIBLE, TURRIBLE, TURRIBLE! One bitter beer out of a twelve pack.